Adoption Rollercoaster and FAQ

Adopting is so much harder than a pregnancy! The emotional ups and downs are draining. The committee meeting for Janiya and Tommie was on the 17th, and the 15, yes, 15 people who were making the decision, said we would be an incredible family for these kids. But then they told us they wanted to just wait for another 4-6 months, leaving the kids in their foster homes and see if they are "more ready" to be adopted. Apparently, all 15 couldn't agree in 2 hours. (Can 15 people agree on ANYTHING in 2 hours??? I've been in groups that spent that long debating the design for a t-shirt.)

I asked what they planned to do and they had no plan, other than to wait. I pointed out (nicely) that 4-6 months is FOREVER to a 5 and 7 year old. They then said that the decision had been made, and if we don't have a different placement in 4-6 months, we will be in a "priority" position to adopt these kids. I was SO frustrated!!!!! It really seems like NO ONE cares about these kids at all. I was even told, "These kids have been waiting for a family for so long, another few months won't make a difference." and "These kids don't know what adoption is or that there is a family that wants them, so it doesn't matter." Hello???!!!???

So, after the emotional crash of what was supposed to be a pretty sure thing (we were the ONLY family they were considering), I started focusing on our next committee meeting for Cheyann which is this coming Friday. Preparing for committee is draining. The worker representing us has a copy of our homestudy, but then I spent 3 hours on the phone answering questions about our family and how we would meet the needs of this special little girl and everything else you can imagine. You feel like you have to have the answers for everything. Three hours is a LONG time to be grilled on a phone call. I also made her a photo book of our family for if we are chosen, so she would have something to use to get to know us a little. In this case, there are 3 families selected by the caseworker. Each family is represented by a social worker and the case worker represents the child. All are presented to a committee of 3 people, who have never met any of the families, or the child, and they choose the family (in a 3 hour meeting). Kind of crazy, I know, but at least it is 3 people, not 15, and they have to leave the meeting with a chosen family. Then the selected family will get a lot more info on her and have 7 days to decide whether to proceed or not. Then the family goes and spends a week with her in Oregon, they go home, and the caseworker brings her to her new home 1-3 days later. So if it happens, it could go fast.

Then today, we were contacted by Janiya and Tommie's worker who said "they" want to have a conference call with us on Monday. I don't even know for sure who "they" entails. So maybe something will come of that. I really wish I had a crystal ball!!!! So, in the next week, one of four things will happen.
1. We could be told we get Cheyann= Happy
2. We could be told we get Janiya and Tommie= Happy
3. We could be told we get both and have major decisions to make= Happy
4. We could be told we get none of them= Major emotional crash

So 3 out of 4, I can be hopeful right???? The crashes are hard, kind of like I would imagine an early miscarriage. You have spent time planning and dreaming and figuring how this child would fit into your family--if selected, they could be in your home in less than a month, or it could take 3-4 months. There is a lot of unknown. You also know a little about their personality, but you've never actually met them, usually. Janiya and Tommie's was also hard because we'd been working to get to that point for so long. We first inquired on them back in September and were told we were a potential match in December. Then after getting lots more information, we had to wait 6 weeks for the match meeting. We'd also been pretty confident because we were the only family. I hadn't even envisioned they would just want to keep them in foster care forever (or 6 months, which feels like the same thing right now)!

The main thing we've learned so far is that nothing about the process is "normal." Every state is different, sometimes every county. And even when there are "standard procedures" that doesn't mean they will be followed. Pregnancy is much easier!

We've been asked several adoption related questions lately, so I figured I would answer them here instead of in the comments. If anyone is interested in really doing this yourselves, I would be happy to help you figure out how to get started. I still believe it will all be worth it in the end!

Where do you find the children?
Adoption photolisting sites like www.adoptuskids.com or http://photolisting.adoption.com/ Most states or counties have heart gallery's with pictures and bios of waiting children. Many are often featured as "Wednesday's child" on TV or in the newspaper

Who are the kids?
Kids whose parental rights have been terminated for one reason or another. Abuse, neglect, or drugs are the most common reasons. Many of the kids are developmentally behind because they missed out on the attention and love healthy families take for granted. Most of them are older than 3 or 4 and most have special needs of some kind (emotional, developmental, mental, or physical.) Sibling groups are generally harder to place, as are older kids.

How much does it cost?
Much less than international!!! It really depends on your agency. Our homestudy was $800, the networking fee for them to talk to other agencies was $750 (most states won't talk to us directly), and then there were the charges for physicals, background checks, classes, etc. We will also pay to go meet the child and spend a week or more wherever they live now. There will also be finalization costs, but most of those are usually paid by the state placing the child. So, in the end, our financial cost will be $3000- 5000. The emotional cost on the other hand. . . . . .

Where does time go?

December and January have flown by and now February is almost half over. So much has happened. I have so much to blog about and so many cute pictures. I think it's a bit overwhelming to me because I am so far behind.

Here are the highlights, more pictures will hopefully follow.
Stephen and the boys went to a BSU game in December and loved it.

Then Stephen and I went on an amazing cruise from San Diego to Catalina Island and Ensenata, Mexico. It was WONDERFUL!!!! So nice to get away for a few days without kids and just be people instead of parents. It was fun to go exploring and have adventures. Stephen loved the endless food, I liked the chocolate buffet and yummy desserts. The kids all loved having special time with grandparents or cousins. Everyone felt like they got the best vacation ever!

Then came a visit to Rupert while my dad had his appendix taken out, a quick trip to Utah, Christmas, and another visit to Rupert. We spent all of December packing, traveling, unpacking, and repacking. It was lots of fun, but exhausting.

In January, we started to catch up and the Lincoln caught RSV and spent a week in the hospital. He is doing better now, but it's always scary when one of the kids is that sick.

Another thing I'd planned to blog about and never got around to was the wonderful new kitchen floors and bathroom floor my amazing husband put in. (I was reminded as I looked through all the pictures.) He did a great job and they look wonderful! I LOVE not having carpet in the kitchen anymore!

Adoption update

We are still working to adopt and things are looking promising. We have 3 kids that we are being considered for. Siblings Janiya and Tommie (7 and 5) or Cheyann (8). The decision meeting for Janiya and Tommie is on Feb. 17 and the meeting for Cheyann is Feb. 26. We would love any prayers that it will work out for the right kids to come to our home!

Here are links with pictures for Janiya and Tommie.
http://www.heartgallerytampabay.org/children/tommie_janiya.php?gid=12
If you click on view photos under their picture on the left, it will pull up 2 more pictures.


Here is the pictures of Cheyann
http://www.nwae.org/c7646.html

Funny, Sweet, and Random Comments

I've been collecting some of the great comments the kids make and wanted to share them here. Enjoy.

I was teasing Tyler and stuck a little sticker on his forehead that said STAR and told him "That's what you are." He went over to the mirror to see what it said and came back over all indignant. "I'm not RATS!" He took the sticker off and threw it on the ground. Then I had him read it and he wanted it back on.

Adam was eating his sucker and started complaining. "My sucker is too hard, I can't eat it." I told him just to suck on it. "I can't, it will get my mouth dirty."

My brother Gary is married to a Mary. I also have a sister named Karma.

I bought some Marionberry syrup and the kids love it, but they call it "Mary an' Gary" syrup. They also call Carmel Corn "Karma" Corn.

Tyler at Christmas gave me a snowflake necklace, he was so excited about it. More excited than even opening presents. He kept telling me, leading up to Christmas "You are going to squeeze my guts out when you open my present."

Then on Christmas morning, one of his presents was the movie "G-Force." It was probably the 3rd present he'd opened. He then convinced the other kids to stop opening presents and to go watch the movie. They sat and watched the whole thing before going back to open the rest of the presents. (We were able to feed them breakfast while they watched, so it actually worked out pretty good.)

Now for the sweet ones. Our cat Lucy got hurt and her leg had a big bloody sore on it. The kids were pretty worried. They were working on schoolwork and Tyler stopped and came to ask how to start a fast so he could fast for her to get better.

I couldn't find a library book, so I offered the kids a $1 reward. Ryan went racing to his bedroom, and just then I found it. He was disappointed and told me, "I was going to my room to say a prayer because I know Heavenly Father would help me find it and then I would get the money."