Limbo (venting)

I feel like our whole world is in limbo. Our house is on hold because of legal wording on the promissory note the bank is asking the seller to sign, that seller now won't sign. We were supposed to be signing yesterday. So we're holding our breath, waiting to hear what the bank and seller work out.

In the meantime, the judge in Texas approved visitations with Emilio and if we are still wanting to proceed after meeting him, she approved placement with us! So it looks like the long wait is finally drawing to a close! Then it will be 6 months until we can finalize the adoption. (It's been such a long, draining process, it almost doesn't feel real right now!) It is wonderful and we are excited, it's just hard knowing when to schedule the visits (and a little nervous feeling, like a blind date that will go straight to marriage 2 weeks later). We are trying to figure out when we can go to Texas in the next couple of weeks, while not knowing if/when we will be trying to paint, clean, recarpet, and pack. And I don't want him to get here while we are right in the middle of packing and moving. We need to be settled first, at whichever house, so things can be as normal as possible for him to settle him. And we don't want to visit and then have it be a long wait until he comes here to stay. I can't imagine what a 6 year old must be thinking and how scary the idea of getting a new family must be, especially when it is people you've never even met before! At this point, he hasn't even seen a picture of us.

To add to the craziness/confusion, we had decided to put Ryan and Jeanisha into regular public school this year. The school by the house we are supposed to be moving into is a really good school and I think Ryan would do good seeing what public school is really like. (Right now, he's on a "grass is greener on the other side of the fence" kick. He keeps telling me, "Public school kids don't have to write their answers as complete sentences. Public school kids don't have to show their work on long division. Public school kids get to play computer games. . . . ) I'm not sure where he is getting these ideas, but I think it will be a good experience for him, IF we move and are in the boundaries of a good school. I am still not willing to send him to the school right down the street from us now. As far as Jeanisha goes, she will love kindergarten and having someone give her schoolwork to do all day, and the school by the new house does an A Day/B day, so she can still homeschool part time and I can still take the kids at home on field trips and other activities because we won't have to work around being home in the middle of the day everyday. But, again, if we don't move, she is not going to school. And school in the new neighborhood starts NEXT Wednesday the 18th, so I feel like I need to make a decision soon, but I can't without knowing on the house.

I have a pretty good idea of what I will be using/buying if we end up homeschooling those two, so if it ends up going that route, it won't be too hard to get up to speed. I do have Tyler's stuff figured out and ready to go. Trish is on the waiting list for IDEA, so she is in limbo too. She should end up getting in, but if not, I'll have to get her registered with a different virtual charter school. So I can't really order her stuff yet either, although I do have most of it listed out. And with Emilio, I know he is in 1st grade, but don't know much about his learning style or what he needs or where he is academically.

I feel like I'm on one of those amusement park rides that spins you all around and upside down until you don't know which way is which and what way is up. And I'm ready for it all to stop so I can get off and things can be "normal" again!